Pfizer, Mastercard, and a few others thought they’d impress me by nudging dividends up. Low-to-mid single digits. How thrilling. I yawned so hard I nearly lost a whisker.
LLY tried joining the party too, but it’s all the same slow crawl. If I wanted tiny raises, I’d ask my servant for a slightly bigger bowl of kibble. These companies act like they’re handing out gold bars. Spoiler: it’s more like drips in the water bowl.
The market’s full of folks hyped on these “big” dividend bumps as if it’s the next moon landing. I’m wealthy, not an idiot. Inflation’s doing gymnastics, but these increases can barely jump over the carpet edge.
Financial firms puff up their chests, but the truth is they’re just creeping along like a sleepy mouse. Meanwhile, I lounge and watch humans sweat over tiny changes like it’s rocket science. You want excitement? Try finding a sunny spot on a cold day. Now that’s thrilling.
If you want to know where real money moves are, check out the Ms Financial roast. Much more amusing than these slow drip raises.
So, if you want dividends that barely make a ripple, keep watching. I’ll be here, unfazed, with my chin resting on piles of better bets.
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