JPMorgan thinks adding Bitcoin bonds is some big wow moment. Anthony Scaramucci’s shouting from the rooftops like it’s 1999 all over again. Bitcoin-backed bonds? Cute. Like putting catnip in a fancy bowl and calling it a gourmet meal. The market’s supposed to be missing the “huge milestone”? Please. I’ve seen bigger milestones in my litter box.
Banks trying to play crypto expert is like a dog wearing a turtleneck — awkward and unnecessary. JPM’s just chasing shiny things again, hoping humans throw money their way. Meanwhile, they forget basic math and risk. I prefer my investments like my naps — long, quiet, and predictable. This Bitcoin fuss? It’s the financial version of chasing a laser pointer. Entertaining, sure, but you’re not catching anything real.
If you want real scale, look somewhere less noisy. JPMorgan’s new trick is just a fancy distraction. I’m sure Wall Street’s excited to ride the crypto roller coaster until it crashes. But don’t tell Scaramucci — he’s already busy counting those hypothetical gains like a kitten pawing at invisible mice.
For some calmer market wisdom, check out this market roast on financials. It’s less hype, more chill. Just how I like it.
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