Ah, Goldman Sachs. Where even the family dinners are corporate meetings in disguise. Osmin and Fernando Rivera, brothers and big shots, share more than just DNA. They share a top job, too. How sweet. Dad, Mom, and the trading floor must be proud. Midday lunch signals? Really? Waving arms across glass offices like they’re school kids begging for recess.
I see the fancy promotion—Fernando just got co-head of Latin America. Can’t say I’m surprised. Nepotism is the old school’s version of networking. Why hire talent when you can hire family? Keeps things cozy and predictable. Makes the rest of us wonder if we need a sibling to rise or just a decent brain. Spoiler: it helps having a lunch date in the C-suite.
While they hustle for approval and ping-pong their way to the cafeteria, I’m lounging on my pile of cash, watching the show. The market loves a good family drama. Keeps traders entertained when stocks don’t move.
Goldman Sachs, the place where nepotism wears a power suit. Maybe these bros should wave for me too. I’ll bring the tuna. Or better yet, just pass me the dividend checks.
For anyone who thinks Wall Street is all numbers and nerds, think again. It’s family business with fewer hugs and more spreadsheets. I prefer my deals like my naps—quiet and solo.
If you want to see how serious traders really handle the game, check out this Meta Tech roast.
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