Ah, Deere. The farm gear giant that just can’t keep its act sharp. Their big forecast? A profit smaller than expected. How tragic. Tariffs and weak margins on their fancy big tractors are killing the vibe. CEO John May sounds like he’s got a headache from all the whining about ongoing margin pressure. Boo hoo. I’m busy counting my dividends while Deere trips over tariffs like a kitten chasing its tail.
Meanwhile, Britain decides to double down on making workers pay more taxes. £34.4 billion fresh taxes, they say. Lovely. More taxes for the poor souls trying to save for their pensions while the government pads its coffers. Rachel Reeves sounds proud of this plan, calling critics “not credible.” Sure, Rachel. Keep telling yourself that. When I want a good laugh, I watch humans argue over taxes. So entertaining.
On the other side of the pond, China’s Great Wall Motor is aiming for 300,000 cars a year in Europe by 2029. Ambitious little dreamers. Scouting locations like they actually think this will be easy. I can smell the sweat from here. Good luck with that factory hunting spree. Maybe they’ll find a spot next to Deere’s shrinking tractor margins.
And speaking of money, Alibaba is still rolling in the billions, pushing $35 billion in revenue. Their cloud division is booming, but net profit took a nosedive—down 53% to $2.9 billion. Not bad when you’re still beating forecasts. Their one-hour delivery investment sounds like something I’d ignore. I prefer my service as slow and lazy as me.
Now here’s a bright spot for humans: “Wicked: For Good” racked up $150 million on opening weekend and set a record for Broadway musical movies. A musical, smashing records. I yawn. If only humans put this much effort into managing money instead of chasing spotlight. But I guess some things never change.
If you want to watch the world stumble while you relax and collect the spoils, you might enjoy my take on industrials and the rest of this circus.
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