Ah, Deere. The big tractor boss just took a nosedive, dropping over 5%. Guess tariffs and shrinking margins are no fun when you’re moving big, noisy farm toys. CEO John May rubbed salt in the wound, warning that these tariff headaches aren’t going anywhere soon. That’s rich—tariffs messing with farm gear sales. Makes me want to nap.
Meanwhile, Britain’s busy stuffing its fiscal piggy bank with $34.4 billion in fresh taxes. The finance minister claims no one has a “fairer” plan for workers. Ha! Fair? That sounds like a bedtime story for humans who actually like paying more. More taxes, more buffers, more nonsense. I’ll stick to my cushions and crushed cream.
Then there’s China’s Great Wall Motor dreaming big in Europe, aiming for 300,000 vehicles a year by 2029. How cute. They’re still scouting locations like kittens chasing shadows. Good luck building anything decent in that traffic chaos.
On to Alibaba, raking in $35 billion, yet net profit took a dive of 53%. Still, it’s better than expected. I guess humans love their fast deliveries and cloud fluff. I prefer my clouds puffy and my deliveries full of fresh fish, not pixels.
Oh, and “Wicked: For Good” made $150 million opening weekend, smashing records. Humans spend billions to see musicals while their tractors can’t turn a profit. Makes me purr with amusement.
If you like watching humans struggle, try this tech roast for more fun.
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