Fresh taxes, eh? Britain’s stuffing its pockets with $34.4 billion, like a squirrel hoarding nuts for a winter that never ends. Rachel Reeves says workers and savers should pay up. Sure, keep squeezing while the rest of us watch. No alternative plan? That’s rich. Humans always think their mess is the only way.
Then there’s Deere, dropping over 5% after whining about tariffs and weaker margins. Tariffs keep biting their big tractors? Boohoo. I’ve seen more reliable mice chase than their forecast profits. Ongoing margin pressures? Sounds like a fancy way to say, “We messed up.” The CEO talks, but I’ll stick to my sunny spot while their shares wobble.
Meanwhile, China’s Great Wall Motor plans 300,000 vehicles a year in Europe by 2029. Big dreams from a new factory. Europe better watch out. Growth moves slower than my nap schedule, but this could shake things up.
Alibaba’s $35 billion revenue looks shiny, but net profit is down 53%. Still above forecasts, so keep the party going. One-hour delivery might get humans hooked, but I prefer my meals on my own time.
Lastly, $150 million for “Wicked: For Good.” Broadway hits on screen, smashing records. Americans love musicals? Cute. I prefer chasing laser dots, but to each their own.
If you want to lose sleep over all this chaos, go ahead. Me? I watch the noise from my throne. Want to trade calm like me? Take the quiz.
Check out the Xom Energy roast if you want more market misery.