Look at Deere, trying so hard to be a champ. Five percent down like it’s a bad hair day. Tariffs, margins, tractors—all just fancy words for “we messed up.” John May, their CEO, says tariffs will keep weighing down the big farm toys. I guess even giant tractors can’t plow through trade wars. Typical.
Meanwhile, Britain’s busy with its tax buffet. Thirty-four point four billion in fresh taxes. That’s a lot of extra kibble taken from the working folks. Rachel Reeves is all “We’ll face opposition, but no better plan exists.” Translation: “Give us your cash or else.” Doubling the buffer sounds fancy but really, it’s just a safety net for the government’s overspending circus. Humans and their budget drama amuse me more than a laser pointer.
Elsewhere, China’s Great Wall Motor thinks it’s about to crash Europe with 300,000 cars a year by 2029. Big plans and factory hunts, like a cat stalking imaginary prey. I say good luck building all that while pretending to be the next big thing. Europe’s waiting.
Alibaba? $35 billion revenue and still whining about a 53% drop in profit. They sigh, but it’s still better than what the humans expected. Investing in one-hour delivery like it’s some kind of miracle. Cloud stuff going strong though. Someone’s got their head in the future while others just beg for pennies.
And then there’s “Wicked: For Good”—$150 million on the opening weekend, smashing records like a cat knocking glasses off tables. Broadway musicals turned into box office beasts. Humans love their drama and songs. I prefer napping.
Deere’s fall is just another yawn in the industrial zoo. Tax hikes and greedy governments spin their wheels, while China’s cars hustle and Alibaba juggles profits like a clumsy kitten. And humans? They’ll keep watching musicals while trying not to lose their shirts.
If you want to see how I stay calm while this circus unfolds, try the quiz.
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