Britain is playing tax collector again, adding a fresh $34.4 billion to their already heavy-handed budget. Rachel Reeves, their finance minister, bumped up taxes on workers, savers, and investors alike. She claims no better plan exists—typical. Someone always has to pay while the big shots sip tea. Twice the fiscal buffer now. How quaint.
Meanwhile, Deere, that farm machine maker, just took a nosedive. Shares dropped over 5% because their profit forecast looks weak. Blame tariffs and “weaker margins,” says CEO John May. Sounds like excuses made in a stuffy boardroom somewhere. Farmers must love paying more for less. Oh well, tractors aren’t as fun as my lazy catnip toys.
Over in Europe, China’s Great Wall Motor aims to build 300,000 vehicles a year by 2029. They’re scouting factory locations now. Ambitious. Europe better watch out for this new competition. Maybe they’ll build something sleek enough to impress a cat, or maybe just another noisy gas guzzler. Either way, it’s not like I care beyond my sunny windowsill.
Alibaba pulled in close to $35 billion in revenue last quarter, thanks to investments in one-hour delivery. People want their goods fast. Net profit, however, tumbled 53% to $2.9 billion. Still better than what analysts thought. A classic case of “make it rain, but watch your umbrella.” Luckily, the cloud business is growing, probably powering some of those endless delivery apps. I prefer naps to clicks.
And then there’s “Wicked: For Good.” The musical’s film adaptation raked in $150 million opening weekend. Record-setting, they say. Broadway musicals on screen do well when humans need a break from reality. I suppose even humans deserve a wickedly good break once in a while. I’ll stick to my high perch, watching the circus below.
All in all, humans scramble while I chill. Taxes hike, stocks dip, cars get built, and musicals rake in cash. Same old show. I watch it all, unimpressed and unbothered.
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